Nights are the hardest. You’re trapped alone with your thoughts in gloomy darkness. I sometimes think my mind gets a perverse kick out of making me relive my most deplorable moments as I lay there helplessly in bed. And when I’m tired and anxious, these thoughts gnaw away at my soul. I can feel the anguish build. Eventually, I fall into a restless sleep and wake up exhausted. Nights are the hardest.
I cracked a tooth the day before going on a week-long vacation. I was popping pain pills all day and found a generic painkiller with a sleep additive for the nights. For the first time in a long time I was sleeping soundly and sleeping the whole night through. It could have been the quiet farmhouse we were staying in, but I tend to think it was the sleep additive.
I woke up on the 5th day, toothache and all, and I felt fabulous. I was actually joyous. I couldn’t wait to go explore. Nothing bothered me. My demons were blocked out. The negative part of my mind tried to regain a foothold, but to no avail. I was actually joyous.
Is sleep the answer? Is it that simple? Or did my toothache refocus my thoughts. Or did getting away from my usual surroundings reset my thought patterns?
I don’t know. But I did learn that anxiety can be diminished. Even if it’s temporary, I’ll take it. The reprieve was fabulous. The knowledge that I can feel better under the right circumstances is freeing and fills me with hope.
I got a root canal and I’m not taking the chemical sleep aid anymore, but I am becoming more aware of my sleep patterns. I have discovered Valerian root, L-Theanine, and other natural supplements that can calm my nerves and hopefully help me sleep like I did in the farmhouse.
I’ll keep you posted.